


I'm The Fuel and She's The Spark

by UniqueCorn



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Actually now that I think about it, Because it doesn't fit in MCU/the show's canon timeline, Crack-ish, F/M, Fluff and Crack, I don't know, It might be AU-ish, Personally I think this doesn't make any sense, Philinda joking about their traumatic experiences lmao, Post-Bahrain, Post-Coulson's Death, The Avengers going to lengths to get them on a date, The Avengers know he's alive, Well you know my attempt at fluff and crack anyway, but screw it, fluff-ish, no plot basically
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-29
Updated: 2017-03-29
Packaged: 2018-10-12 15:15:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10493706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UniqueCorn/pseuds/UniqueCorn
Summary: The Avengers play matchmaker to get their friends Melinda May and Phil Coulson together.





	

**Author's Note:**

> So this psychologist developed 36 questions to make people fall in love (or to develop a closer relationship). What if the Avengers used these questions on Philinda? If you want to read every question, I put the link at the end notes.
> 
> Title is from Wildfire by Seafret. I'll put the link at the end notes too (because in the music video they also did the experiment!)
> 
> Also, thanks to Jennifer over at Twitter for asking me to post this because I wasn't really sure if I should. :)

Phil was walking back to his apartment after a briefing at HQ, the grocery bags in his hands covering half his vision. All he could blame was himself when he wasn’t able to notice a van rounding the corner of his street.

The next thing he knew, masked men grabbed him and attempted to throw him into... not a van??? It was actually a _limo_. After the men knocked the groceries out of his hand he could see the vehicle more clearly.

“Rich boss, then?” Phil said with composure. “After all of this I’m expecting that he pays back my groceries.”

The three men didn’t answer. And despite putting up a really good fight, Phil didn’t stand a chance. He could see that these men were highly trained. He also saw, when he got close enough to the man who ultimately beat him, that the man was actually a woman.

When he was in the limo, his mouth was duct taped, his hands were tied, and a bag was put over his head. He really wanted to complain but the seats were just so comfortable.

He knew that help was going to come sooner or later anyway, so he just settled himself on the somehow familiar suede seats. At least he was being kidnapped in style.

* * *

 

They finally came to a stop. One of the men and the woman grabbed him by the arms and dragged him into what he could feel was an elevator. When they reached the floor they supposedly wanted him on, they left him standing there, unsure of what he was expected to do.

He almost jumped when he felt mechanical things all over his body, but then it dawned on him. Tony Stark.

His mind calmed a bit when he realized he was just getting a change of clothes. It was nice considering his milk was spilled all over his suit when The Avengers decided it was a nice day to kidnap him.

The last thing the robot arms removed was the bag over his head. He then removed the tape that covered his mouth. He sneezed when another robot arm sprayed perfume all over him.

“Good evening, Agent Coulson,” Jarvis’ voice resonated in the room. “You are expected in the dining room.”

Phil shook his head slowly. Why does he even bother with these superhero antics? At least he didn’t have to make dinner for himself that night.

“Melinda?” the first thing he saw was Melinda May standing with her back to him. She was facing the wide windows of the Avengers Tower overlooking New York.

“I hope you have nothing to do with this,” she turned around and there was annoyance in her voice, but also a kind of amusement. “We’re locked in here. And what exactly are we doing here?”

Phil shrugged. “Your guess is as good as mine.”

“You two are having dinner together,” it was Tony Stark’s voice this time that surrounded them.

“You kidnapped me so I can have dinner with May?” Phil said in almost disbelief.

“They kidnapped you?” May also said in almost disbelief. “They just told me that there was an urgent meeting. Then I knew it wasn’t an urgent meeting when an hour passed by and none of them went in. I also figured out that the room is locked.”

“Great observation, Agent May,” Tony said. “Even the Hulk knows that the better idea is not to kidnap you.”

“Why are we here?” Phil asked.

“Dinner.” Tony replied in an enthusiastic voice. “And in the middle of the table, there’s a stack of cards for talking points.”

“We know how to talk to each other,” May rolled her eyes at no one, although she knows that there are most definitely cameras all over the room.

“I know,” Tony said. “But you two are participating in an experiment.” Both of them could hear the grin in his voice.

“I’m going to kill Nat for this,” May drew her mouth in a tight line as she shook her head. “I can break us out, Coulson.”

“You’re underestimating us if you think we haven’t thought this through,” it was Natasha’s voice this time that replied to her. “We May-proofed that room, Melinda. The only way you’re breaking out is by going through all the cards.”

“She’s right,” Phil said in that cool way that always calmed her. “I think we should just get this over with.” He was already making his way to the table, standing behind the chair he was intending to pull for her.

“Fine,” Melinda walked over toward him and let him pull the chair out for her. “ 

When Phil sat down across her, the lights dimmed just a bit, and electronic candles were automatically lit around the room.

“Don’t worry,” Tony’s invisible presence made itself known again. “We won’t be bothering you two during the experiment. The cameras will be down so you two can do _whatever you want_.”

May scoffed because she knew that Tony was lying. Phil laughed softly, because he knew that Melinda knew that Tony was lying.

Phil poured them wine as Melinda started cutting her food.

“So, do you want to go first?” Phil asked.

She reached out to grab a card and read the question out to him. “Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?”

Without missing a beat, Phil answered. “Steve Rogers.”

“Wrong answer,” Tony interrupted them again and Melinda rolled her eyes fondly. “I can confirm that Captain America is blushing, but that’s the wrong answer.”

“What happened to ‘We won’t be bothering you’?” Melinda said. “And haven’t you had dinner with the Avengers?” she added, this time addressing Phil.

“Well, they were all lunches so...” Phil was careful not to mention how sick he was of Shawarma. “My turn.”

Phil wiped his mouth with the napkin and grabbed the next card. When he saw the question, he immediately regretted it, and so he read it with uncertainty. “Would you like to be famous, and in what way?”

Melinda raised her brow. He figured that she was thinking how to approach the question, knowing her reputation at SHIELD. “I already am, though,” she smirked and took a sip of wine. “I’m The Cavalry.”

Phil smiled softly at her. He knew that that was a sensitive topic, and he inwardly sighed in relief when she decided to casually talk about it. Maybe this isn’t so bad after all.

They exchanged a couple more questions until Melinda almost choked as she saw the question she was about to ask Phil. “Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?” 

Phil laughed. “I have this recurring dream of dying in the hands of an Asgardian god.”

Melinda laughed, too.

“Okay, so name three things you and your partner – that’s you and I – appear to have in common.” Phil read the next question. He was getting way into this now.

“Well, we both...” she trailed off, lost in her thoughts of combining her and Phil’s traits together.

“Really like this tie?” Phil suggested.

Melinda scoffed as her face drew into a frown. “No,” she shook her head fondly. “How about, we are both good agents – “

“Amazing agents,” he interrupted.

“We’re both _amazing_ agents, we both hate our friends the Avengers, and we both know that I don’t drink coffee.”

“You forgot to add the fact that you’re both in love with each other,” Thor’s accent rang throughout the room. They almost forgot that they were being watched by superheroes who have too much time on their hands.

He knew that it was bad to think it, but Phil really wished that a city would be in dire danger that moment.

They looked at each other after every Avenger voiced out their agreement. It went quiet until Melinda cleared her throat and broke eye contact by looking down at her lap. He swore he just saw her smiling at the floor.

After a while, they started going through the cards again. They talked until they were eating desert.

“What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?” she asked.

“It’s not really one great thing, but a series of small things,” Phil answered genuinely. “It’s all lead me here – everything I’ve been through. And I think just being able to protect people, whether it’s in the shadows or not – that’s my greatest accomplishment.”

“What a soft man,” Thor interrupted them again. “I admire your softness, Son of Coul.”

Melinda’s smile just grew even bigger.

Phil read the next question. “What do you value most in a friendship?”

“I have an idea,” Tony said. She barely even had enough time to think before he spoke. “You two say your answers at the count of three. 1, 2, 3!”

“Loyalty,” Phil said.

“You,” Melinda answered at the same time.

Phil blushed. “Well that’s basically the same thing.”

As the night went on, the stack of cards became thinner and thinner. Melinda counted and there were about five cards left. She was about to ask the next question.

“If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone?”

Phil almost froze in his seat. In his mind, he was weighing the pros and cons of just telling Melinda how he felt. 

After what seemed like an eternity, he finally answered the question. He literally had nothing left to lose, anyway.

“I would regret not telling my best friend that I’m completely in love with her.”

“Well, why haven’t you told your best friend yet?”

“I don’t want to complicate things. And you should know – in our job, people can easily hold that against us. It’ll just make things harder if something happens to her.”

“I’m sure she feels the same way,” Melinda reached out across the table to hold his hand. “And I’m sure you have great taste, and that your best friend can kick anybody’s ass.”

“Well, she is friends with the Avengers. Both of us are. I’m thinking they can come in when she’s really in trouble.”

“You bet we will,” Natasha said. Phil and Melinda laughed. It was surprising that they didn’t think it ruined the moment.

“Now read the last card,” Steve spoke.

“Ready?” Phil asked. He was stroking her hand with his thumb. “Look into each other’s eyes for four minutes.”

Phil couldn’t count how many times Melinda rolled her eyes that night. He made really bad jokes and she pretended she hated them. Their superhero friends kept interrupting the romantic night they themselves planned for them. The last time she rolled her eyes was after he read the last card.

They stared into each other’s eyes and music gradually faded in throughout the room. It was surprising that she didn’t roll her eyes at that. Instead she looked even deeper into the blue ones right in front of her.

When the music and their four minutes were over, it felt like they had said more to each other than when they constantly probed the other with questions. Their dinner was over and they heard Jarvis announce that the room has been unlocked.

They both got up to leave, knowing this one night just changed their relationship forever.

“I still fully expect new and high quality groceries delivered to my doorstep tomorrow, Stark!” Phil shouted into the room.

Phil and Melinda walked out of the room holding each other's hands.

**Author's Note:**

> All of the 36 questions: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/open-gently/201310/36-questions-bring-you-closer-together
> 
> Wildfire Music Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RHhkd2B87Q8
> 
> I wrote this in one sitting so pls forgive any mistakes or if it's just horrible in general because I'm generally still relatively new to fanfic writing lol.


End file.
